For most parents, the choice to send a child to school is made for many reasons: you want your child to learn, you want your child to socialize, you want your child to expand his or her horizons, and, perhaps most importantly of all, you want your child to gain independence.

Well, of course you want your child to be independent, and for his or her wings to be spread as he or she soars, skyward.  In theory. We, as parents, want our children to do things by themselves…as long as these things are done the right way.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

I don’t do this. I am fine with whatever my child chooses to say/do/be/wear/learn.

And, most of us do feel that way. In theory.

As a teacher, I am all about independence. I have my four year olds hang up their own coats, unpack their own lunches, and even wipe their own noses (among other things), in the name of self-sufficiency. And, most parents are more than appreciative of these philosophies. That is, until the child comes home wearing their red shorts, backwards, with their orange socks, one pulled up to the knee, with chocolate, and some boogers, smeared all over his face. That’s when things get a little, well, messy.

I have seen, time and time again, as a parent arrives to pick their child up and “correct” something that the kid has done, whether it is to reverse an inside-out t-shirt, comb some crazy looking hair, or to put the right shoe back onto the right foot. And, as a mother, I totally get why any parent would do just that. You want your child to be tucked in, buttoned up and ready to face the world, so to speak. However, all of this “fixing” can come at a cost.

For children (and people) of all ages, self-esteem is a most precious commodity. If a person, large or small, is constantly being corrected, he or she will ultimately give up. A child who reaches to put on his own shoes, only to have his mother correct his placement, will, eventually, stop reaching. He knows he can’t do it right. He knows his mommy is going to have to fix them. Why try? Why even bother?

In my classroom, if a child has done something by himself, then that something is absolutely perfect. If an “E” is written backwards, then that is the best “E” I have ever seen. If a turtle is drawn with a million eyes, I do my very best to stare, fascinated, with great admiration for the tiny artist’s work. In fact, when I give praise to a child, I try to refrain from saying, “Good job!” or “Perfect!”.

What do those compliments actually teach these children? In my opinion, they teach the child to do work to get a pat on the back from good ol’ teach. Not that those feelings of pride aren’t important; they are. However, I’d rather the pride be organic, and coming from deep within a child’s little soul, so that she is doing her work, putting on her clothing and living her life for herself. To praise a child’s work, I’d much rather say, “Wow, look at what you did all by yourself. You wrote a lower-case ‘w’.” That, to me, means so much more.

Parents, listen up. Your child will, eventually, learn the “facts” that he or she needs to in order to succeed in school. Your child will, ultimately, be able to put on his or her own shirt, zipper his or her jeans and be able to head out the door without your help. By not “helping” or correcting or fixing, your child will, in the end, develop into a confident, self-assured, self-reliant human being, who has faith in his or her own abilities to do anything from acing a test to wiping a snotty nose.

That sense of independence is the greatest gift you can give your child, starting at a very early age, if you can bring yourself to take a step back, swallow your pride, and grin and bear it as your kindergartener goes to school with mismatched shoes, on the wrong (happy little) feet.  He or she will thank you for it, later, I promise. Maybe not for the zany looking kindergarten class picture, you may catch some flack for that one, but most certainly for the feeling of self-confidence that will grow within your child with each passing day.

But, most importantly, I know an incredible secret about children who scream, cry, kick, throw tantrums, curse (okay, maybe I’m exaggerating here, but, it gets ugly!) when their parents drop them off from school. These children, who leave their parents as red-faced, teary-eyed messes, are fine in approximately 30 seconds after their parents drive away. They just are.

I’ve seen it time and time again; screaming child clinging to the minivan door as the mother in the front seat weeps in abject despair; sobbing little one clinging to daddy’s leg as he tries to exit the classroom door. Talk about heart wrenching.

Yet, as soon as the parent is out of sight, the child is happy as can be. Yes, sometimes it takes some extra TLC from the teacher, in the form of a few minutes on the lap or a quick hug, but, like clockwork, within five minutes, those frowns are turned upside-down, as the child is thrown into the exciting school day.

Now that I’m a mother (OK, so my daughter is only 16 weeks old, but still) I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must be to drop off your child when she is happy.

You mean, I won’t get to experience her every smile today?

You mean, someone else will tie her shoe, kiss her boo-boos and unwrap her string cheese?

I can’t even fathom how trying it must be to leave your child when she is distraught, let alone wailing. But, I’m here to tell you that the very best thing you can do for your child is the very thing that defies every parental instinct and goes against every mommy bone in your mommy body; you must leave, and leave fast.

As impossible as it seems, I promise you, your child will be fine. The sooner you make your getaway and let your child adjust to his or her teacher, friends and classroom, the better. It’s just like ripping off a band-aid; it may sting for a moment, but then, the pain is over, so fast that you hardly knew it was there.

And so, the next time that you go to drop your child off at school, and the tears and “No mommy! Don’t leave me!”s begin, please, heed my advice, put the pedal to the metal and high-tail your mommy-mobile out of there.

Your child will be fine. Your child will be happy. Your child will be well taken care of.  Your child will be learning new, and wonderful things, that he or she didn’t know yesterday. And, most of all, your child will be able to tell you all about his or her day when you pick him or her up after school’s end. And, the excited greeting and kiss hello makes any drop-off antics worth every single, solitary, salty tear.

After all, the greatest thing I’ve learned from being a teacher and a mommy is that the best part of being away from your child, even if only for a few moments, is being back together, again.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Blog: Mommy Ever After
Twitter: @mommyeverafter
Email: rebecca.fox.starr@gmail.com