Mom Guilt
A lot of nights I find myself crawling on my hands and knees to the finish line which is 8pm, the kids bedtime. Sometimes all the noise, activity, mess,temper tantrums, whining,etc really start getting to me by the end of the day and I start craving quiet time alone to decompress. I’m guilty of looking forward to their bedtime to get a little down time to myself.
Then I put them to bed. I clean up,I sit down, surf the net, watch a little tv, put my feet up, doze off, whatever. I then start reflecting on my day and for some reason I start thinking about all the situations that I could have handled differently or better. I think about how I snapped at my 3yr old because he asked me the same question 15 times while I was trying to strap the 1yr old into his car seat while he screamed. I’ll think about how I felt myself loosing my patients with my 1yr old after lunch because he was fed, changed, being played with and all he did was continue to whine. I’ll think about how I got upset because my 3yr old dumped yogurt all over the floor I just cleaned. These thoughts go on and on, scenarios, situations, all of which I tell myself that I need to try and have more patients and remember that they are just kids, it’s just a house, it’s just a mess.
Then I begin to question what I’m doing. Would my kids be better off in daycare where people are being paid to finger paint, color, and play with play-doh, and do puzzles with them all day long and be completely devoted to them ? Would they be better off in a place where the people watching them are not also concerned with finishing the laundry, getting dinner ready, and worrying about everything else that needs to be done and maintained around here ? Would they be happier being with people who’s 9-5 job is playing with them and nothing else ? This is where my guilt sets in. I’ve made the decision to be a stay at home mom and I often question if I am good at it. Am I capable of giving them all the time, attention, and activity that they deserve all day long ? Am I patient enough with them ? Are they really happy being here with me ? What are they going to think when they look back ?
I often wonder if any other stay at home moms ever feel this way, I ‘m also curious about working moms and if they ever feel guilt and question working. I’d love to get some feedback on this one.
While Erin is still learning how to multitask and juggle two children, she is proud to say that she is proficient in toddler lingo, has mastered the swaddle and has learned how to function on four hours of sleep. Follow Erin as she writes about her struggles with trying to find balance in her own life. You can also find Erin writing at her own blog, Emommyhood.
