Having Second Child Anxieties

When my first son was born almost 4 years ago it was magical, an instant bond and connection.  Even though our situation started out scary and included a 31 day stay in the NICU, it was an incredible time.  When I would hold him and look into his eyes, I just couldn’t believe that, that kind of love was possible.  During the NICU stay, I would sit there between 15-18 hours a day, just watching him, I read to him, kept a journal and the times I could hold him I wouldn’t want to put him back in the isolette.  I feel that experience alone created an extremely strong bond between us.

As he grew he was the center of my world, and still is. Everything my family did was with him in mind, I never returned to work so I could take care of him and his special needs, my husband and I chose to live very modestly so I could be the one to care for him. That has only strengthened our bond.

When we considered having another child, we waited until our son had improved, had him tested to make sure his disorder wasn’t genetic and finally decided to just see if it happened.  When it did, my husband and I got nervous right away realizing how our lives would change, worried how our son would handle it.

So now, with only 8 weeks to go, I am full of anxiety wondering how I could love another child as much as my first born.  Only going on my first birth and experience, how could anything be calm and normal, will I bond with this baby as quickly without those circumstances, will I be able to handle sharing my time and love.

I have heard other women saying that it just happens, your heart grows, your love doubles and it occurs naturally.  I am also scared that my son will feel left out or unloved, that he has to share me with a newborn that will need an exorbitant amount of my time.

Our son is very excited now, constantly touching my belly and talking to his baby sister through the “microphone” (my belly button), always asking questions about everything from changing diapers to “can I teach her to play soccer?” (I think he thinks she will come out walking and ready to go).

But I can’t seem to get over my fears, and hope all those other women are right and my love just expands.  To help prepare for our new little lady’s arrival I have made a few plans but would love some suggestions on how to get ready mentally and physically to share myself between my 2 children.

Here are my ideas so far:

• During my 4 day stay in the hospital, my son will be staying at our home with my husband (with the exception of the first night), not with relatives. I wanted this so his whole world wasn’t flipped upside down as soon as she was born. Letting him think that he was losing his mommy and daddy already.
• I have bought him a small gift that he will get when she is born, its from his new little sister, thanking him for talking to her and keeping her company when she was in mommy’s belly.
• I am going to really try to not ship him off to grandma’s, a friends house or even with dad all the time. Not only do I not want him to feel unwelcome, I don’t want to miss out on my time with him either

Please help me, share your experiences and ideas to make this transition as simple as can be for everyone.