A Little Help From Your Friends…

Mom is a wonderful word that encompasses so many things.  I know personally that I struggle often with the notions of trying my hardest to be the best mother I can be. It is by far the most important job on the planet, being a parent in general is important, but being a Mother, in my opinion, is just a tad more complex and a bit harder.   This is evident by the way that Mothers are revered, even when their children are older and have families of their own. It is usually the mother in the family that is the glue that binds it together.

Even though being a Mother is the best gift in the world, a lot of women lose themselves in the process. I have found that a lot of women “forget” who they were before children and even before marriage.  Finding a balance is almost as important as being the best parent you can be.

It happened to me, but recently in the last year or so I have been incredibly happy with the balance I have found, I feel well rounded and somewhat whole in all areas of my life.  As a mom, as a wife, as a member of my family and as a friend.

As moms, we find friendships are harder for us to maintain and I believe that some moms don’t put friendships as high on their list of relationships as they should or make it a priority, I personally think it is a very important part of finding balance and adding even more enjoyment in your life.  It also helps us not lose who we are in all the roles we play and different hats we wear as mothers.

Friendships also become support systems, helping you cope with the daily grinds of parenthood, sharing the good, the bad and the ugly with other women who know what you are going through can help you see things clearer.

I am very very lucky to have a wonderful group of women that I call friends, they are from all different areas and parts of my life and each bring something different to our friendship. I love to support them and know that they support me as well. As much as they support me, when I see how much they love my son and family it makes me feel like they are not just friends but an extension of my family.

If you are a new mom or think that you may want to find some mommy friends here are some ideas to help you, it can feel like a vulnerable act to put yourself out there to meet new people or reconnect with old friends, but it is well worth the reward.

Learn what you have in common

The fact that you both have children is not enough for a solid friendship.  If you pictured removing the kids from the friendship, would there be enough left for a true friendship, if you answer no, you may not have the right chemistry for a friendship friendships that will stand the test of time, through tough times, bad moods and parenting style differences.

The Mommy war should be off limits
Some mothers will always look at stay-at-home moms as “having it easy” or unproductive. Others see working moms as women who choose career over family. Work-at-home moms are often overlooked or their work is not taken seriously overlooked, even though they’re living the life of an at-home parent and a working parent combined.

Don’t add this negative stress from society to your friendships. Your friends parenting choices are unrelated to yours. Same applies to your friend’s decision to work versus stay at home.

Be Aware of What You Say
A slip of the tongue can damage friendships, sometimes permanently. When you add mothers and their personal choices to the equation and you could end a friendship before it even gets started.

Imagine how your working moms would react to comments like, “I’m so happy that I don’t have to enter my kids in Day Care” or “I could never be away from my child over 40 hours a week”. Change the angle and stay at home moms would be hurt by comments like “My mind would be mush if I didn’t have a career” or “I could never be stuck at home with kids all day”.

Its nice to be conscious of what you say before you say a few words that could be misconstrued or sound judgmental. Hopefully, your mommy friends will return the favor with kind words about your choice instead of hurtful remarks.

Make Time for just Friends
Leave your children at home and make a “play date” for just you and your friends. We all know how hard it is to hold conversations when you are  keeping an eye on your child’s safety, stopping to say “no” or all the interruptions.

Have lunch while the kids are in school, go shopping on the weekend or make a date for Girls Night. You need to get to know your friends outside of your home life. Like any relationship, everyone needs to make an effort for the friendship to last.

Be there when your friends need you

We all know that life has its ups and downs, being there for your friends is easy when it’s the good times, but be sure to be there when times are a little rough. Those are the times our friends need us  most.

I would like to thank all of my wonderful friends (you know who you are), for all of the support and love that you all give. I am truly blessed and lucky to have you all in my life. I only hope that I can be half the friend you have all been to me. I am not an expert or want to seem like I know everything about being a good friend, but I thought mentioning a few things that I believe helps make a  good friend would help.